LABOUR 101 FOR NEW DADS
Looking to get divorced during the delivery of your first child? Here’s how to make it happen.
STEP ONE: Park as far as you possibly can away from the hospital.
STEP TWO: Turn the room television on to any sport.
STEP THREE: Yawn. Even better, fall asleep beside her. That should end well.
STEP FOUR: Take selfies as your wife labours in the background.
STEP FIVE: Discuss how slow and long the process is.
STEP SIX: Comment on the fluids coming out of her. "Jeez hun, you’re really sweating a lot,
and leaking weird goo everywhere".
STEP SEVEN: Eat something super delicious. The more yummy the meal, the more likely a divorce.
STEP EIGHT: Complain about being sore. Those hospital chairs are pretty uncomfortable, hey?
STEP NINE: Wander down south without permission.
STEP TEN: Congratulate her with “See, that wasn’t so bad.” And follow it up with, “Hey, the baby
looks just like me!”